Am I content, or am I just lazy?
This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. And when D and I were talking tonight, he agreed with me and said that he has been feeling the same way as well.
What do I mean?
Well, I have spent a lot of my life filled with a seemingly endless supply of drive to do better, to do more, to improve, to be the best, to beat the competition… this feeling drove me through a pretty over-achieving elementary and secondary education, through college, and to strive to earn the respect of my colleagues at work. It was an integral part of my identity to be this way– to be this driven.
And now, I am just not feeling as motivated or driven.
But does that mean I am unmotivated? Does that mean I am lazy? Does it mean that I have stagnated? Or does it mean that I am just content?
Right now, I feel like I am good with the idea of putting in a good day of work, coming home and hanging out in my new apartment with my husband, making our cat chase a laser pointer. It’s a good life, I like it. But then, I get this nagging feeling that I can’t just do that. I need to finish decorating the apartment. I need to come in early or stay late at work. I need to get into fabulous shape. I need to do something more.
Why am I at war with myself here? On one hand, I just want to chill out and enjoy life for a little while … because really, isn’t that the point? But then the other side of me keeps repeating “the biggest room is the room for improvement”, making me feel like I should get back to pushing myself harder. Have any of you ever felt conflicted like this? Where do you land? Is it cool to take a break from striving for more, or is that the lazy person’s way out?